Author: Ms. Keerthana Madhu, Ātmaprasāra volunteer

Category: Mental Health

Being a volunteer at Atmaprasara for more than six years has been a beautiful journey of learning, unlearning, and applying so many concepts—not just with our clients, but also in our own everyday lives. One such powerful learning for me has been setting boundaries.

Growing up in our culture, many of us were never really taught to set boundaries. In fact, saying “No”, expressing what we are comfortable or uncomfortable with, or putting ourselves first was often seen as selfish, rude, or even disrespectful.

So, naturally, I never really understood the importance of boundaries—not just with others, but even within myself and my own relationships.
As I started learning and practicing this, I realised something important:

A boundary is not about controlling another person. It is about communicating what works for me.And while doing this, I discovered that language matters—a lot.

The words we choose, our tone, our intention, and even the emotional space from which we communicate can completely change how a boundary is received.

For example, telling someone:

“This is who I am. You better behave accordingly.”
may technically sound like a boundary, but it can easily come across as defensive, aggressive, or blaming.
Especially when working with a client, simply giving them a ready-made statement isn’t always helpful.

Instead, I find myself asking:

“What do you really want to communicate?”
“What would feel right for you?”
“How can you say this without blaming the other person?”
“What is the intention behind this boundary?”

And through these questions, something beautiful happens.
The person begins to find their own words.

Because there isn’t one perfect sentence for setting a boundary. The right sentence is the one that feels authentic to you, communicates your need clearly, and still respects the relationship.And honestly, I am still learning this in my own personal journey.

Sometimes I know that I need to set a boundary, but I am still figuring out the right words, the right tone, and the right intention.Perhaps that itself is the learning.
Setting boundaries is not about becoming rigid.It is about becoming clear.

And clarity, when expressed with awareness and compassion, can actually make relationships healthier—not distant.

This is one of the many things my journey with Atmaprasara has taught me:

We don’t just learn concepts.
We learn to live them.